Five

Today marks my first five years in the corporate world… Except that I’m out, for now.

I was about to publish another blog to commemorate the anniversary but writing it turned out to be self-patronizing. The essays that I used to write were personal and ruminating; but this particular content made me eye-roll on my desperate attempt to feel better at my current disposition. Writing it makes me want to simultaneously sulk and recover from my insecurity, jealousy and self-pity. In other words, I try to pour out the negativity but not able to purge them.

There may have been setbacks along the way, largely due to my shortcomings. I wished to have a stronger will, a clearer sense of purpose, and a more buoyant perspective. In my solitude, I wondered (or fantasized) about my alternative life if I took a different path (or a detour). But the past cannot be undone. I’m telling ‘this’ to myself, not to forcibly reconcile with it, but to keep my gears on moving forward:

I do not regret the past five years.

Those experiences allowed me to create an interesting and versatile character (that I wish employers will take notice!); to become a stepping stone for my academic endeavor (which I would finally reap this month!); and to save up for my future (I really hope to replenish them soon!).

These thoughts are not unique; many, perhaps even my peers could be feeling the same way. But these make me realize that people write their own stories based on their life decisions. Though some may have been left behind and others have taken off, I believe that my phase has a purpose determined by the omnipotent.

My story will take its time to unravel, and I am okay with.

Advertisements